PARENTING

10 Ways To Fake Like You Have Your Mom-Life Together

When You Really Don't!!

In the last year and a half of being a mom I have learned a lot of things – but nothing has been as valuable as the skill to “fake it till you make it!” – as I like to call it. Not even kidding it is worth its weight in gold.

 

It’s basically the ability to look like you have yourself, your kid, your home, pretty much your entire life perfect and put together on the outside – when on the inside (behind closed doors) everything is one big hot mess… just like everybody else’s.

 

You are literally fakin’ it to make it look like something its not… and I am sharing my most coveted secrets on how to do it like a pro.

 

  1. Dry shampoo –

It’s no surprise that, as a mom, there are days I don’t get around to washing my hair. It happens… a lot actually. More than I’d like.

 

But just because I can’t lather my locks doesn’t mean I have to look like a grease-ball or live life in a top knot – not that I don’t love a good top knot from time-to-time.

 

All because of dry shampoo, my friends.

 

Dry shampoo is a miracle for new moms, and old moms, and pretty much everyone. It adds volume and absorbs any oil and makes my hair glorious.

 

I use Batiste because they make one especially for dark hair (so it doesn’t leave behind that white residue) and it smells heavenly. A few sprays and I am good to go and no one is the wiser!!

 

  1. Tinted sunscreen

So it shouldn’t be a shocker that a full face of makeup just isn’t in the cards these days either. There was a time, not long ago, that I would not leave the house without makeup on. I laugh at that version of myself, mostly because I am so, so different than her.

 

Thankfully I discovered tinted sunscreen. It has just enough pigment to hide any uneven skin tone, hyperpigmentation or dark circles that motherhood and sleep deprivation has marked on me.

 

Slather some on with a dab of mascara and you look fresh as a daisy!!!

 

  1. Drive-thru car wash –

The inside of my car looks like a bomb went off in it – or more accurately like someone busted open the contents of a party piñata. It literally could be a page in one of those I Spy books.

 

“I spy a bouncy ball, and two pairs of shoes, 18 Goldfish crackers and a stuffed kangaroo.”

 

From the outside, however, you would never know it because of the miracle that is the drive-thru car wash!! The tinted windows don’t hurt either. From the worlds perspective I have a squeaky clean mommy-mobile that I jump in and out of with ease – the reality is I’m hoping I closed the door fast enough so that no one can see the inside!!

 

  1. Carry a beverage –

I pretty much either have a coffee or a glass water bottle in hand at all times. It helps with the illusion that I  a) have so much spare time I can run to Starbucks for my 24/7 caffeine fix and be one of those people that actually remembers to bring their own mug and/or  b) I am really on top of getting my 8 glasses of water in for the day.

 

The reality is that the contents of my mug is, in fact, coffee I made at home and reheated three times before 9am – and that water… if it wasn’t attached to my hip I wouldn’t drink a drop, its also flavored with grapefruit essential oils to make it go down a little easier, but as far as everyone else is concerned I am just extremely hydrated.

 

  1. 15 minute rule –

I used to be on time – I used to be that person who was 10 minutes early for absolutely everything. Now, I’m not nearly as punctual and I hate it.

 

So I make sure to schedule everything in my calendar at least 15 minutes later than it actually is. That way if we have a baby fit, or a blowout or I realize I need gas I have time to handle those things and still be on time…

 

And let me tell you, people think its an amazing feat that you can get yourself, and a toddler, dressed, decent and out the door and make it to a play date without looking frazzled.

 

  1. Mommy uniform –

So it’s kind of an unspoken rule that yoga pants are the official uniform of moms. But there are still days when you don’t want to look like a total bum – you know because on top of yoga pants you still haven’t washed your hair, or had the time for makeup.

 

So, my favorite fake out: look like you just worked out, when you didn’t, like at all.

 

Now for this to work you have to fully commit. That means on top of the yoga pants you wear running shoes, pull your hair back in a pony, and most importantly… wear a Fitbit or pedometer of some sort!!

 

That device is key – it pulls the whole look together and makes it look believable.

 

  1. Accessorize

Simply throw on some accessories and instantly transform a basic t-shirt and jeans into a full-blown outfit. Sounds to simple to be true? Well believe it, because it works and it works well!!

 

I get more complements on my weekend warrior attire when I add a necklace or two then on many of my well planned out #ootd – which is crazy, and frustrating at the same time.

 

Rings are some of my favorites because they are great with little ones – mostly because they don’t get yanked on like earrings or a necklace can.

 

  1. Cute Kid –

So basically if your kid is cute and put together no one is going to pay attention to you.

 

It’s fact. So use it to your advantage.

 

Make sure they are in a matching outfit. Shoot for something with a cute, bright, eye-catching graphic – or bows and glitz and frills for little girls (anything to distract from the possible snotty nose and sticky little hands). You could literally be wearing pajamas and no one will notice because that little person looks so adorable!!

 

  1. Bathrooms and Kitchens –

I’ll be the first to tell you that I am horrible at even faking this one but if the basics of your kitchen and bathrooms are clean then you are golden.

 

That means making sure all surfaces are dusted, sinks are wiped down, toilet bowls are clean (with a fresh roll of TP), and there are no smudges on stainless steel appliances.

 

Check those things off your list and you can pretty much fake a clean(ish) house even with a toddler and all the toys and mess that come along with him!!

 

  1. Herbs & Fruit –

Keep your herbs in a glass of water and fresh fruit in a bowl on the counter and you are halfway to being Martha Stewart – not really, but it will totally look like you have your life together.

 

I mean if you have time to cut enough fresh herbs that you have extra left over and you plan on using those extra herbs so soon that you can just throw them in a glass of water on the counter no one is going to question you, pinky swear on that!!

 

And the fresh fruit thing – just ripe for the picking on the counter – same story. It screams we are so healthy and go through so much fruit that we like to leave it out… just in case someone absolutely has to have a nectarine on the way to the laundry room.

 

So now that you know all my secrets to faking it like I have this mom thing all figured out – don’t go and rat me out – cause more likely than not I still have an entire box of Cheerios on the floor of my car and my yoga pants still haven’t seen the inside of the gym!! Deal?

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